Ever since record keeping began, the opening of the magnolia blooms in the midwest has brought with it killing frosts, leading to the death of these magnificent but exotic symbols of primitve sex. Why? Scientists have now found that magnolia flowers exert a powerful suction, strangely attracting all the cold in Canada. This year is no exception.
What can you do? The powerful Order of the Magnoliales and the Botanical Society of Canada both deny this is possible, but it is clearly true. Write your governmental representatives -or someone else's - today, no matter what country you live in. Tell them that not even global warming can stop this powerful force for evil.
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